There was a time in my life when I was completely convinced that God did not exist.

Ironically, it was during that very season of doubt that Yeshua Hamashiach changed my life forever.

I was born into a strong Christian home where I was encouraged to read and meditate on the Bible daily. From a young age, I learned about YHWH through the Old Testament and the life of Yeshua in the New Testament. I considered myself a committed Christian and took pride in my knowledge of Scripture.

Everything changed when I was 26 years old.

A traumatic event shook me to my core. I could not understand why I, someone who genuinely sought to serve God, had experienced such pain. For the first time in my life, I questioned everything I believed.

My doubts quickly became certainty.

I wasn’t simply questioning God’s existence—I became completely convinced that He did not exist.

What happened next changed my life forever.

 

Three Dreams That Changed My Life

That same month, Yeshua Hamashiach appeared to me in three separate dreams.

The First Dream

In the first dream, Yeshua baptized me beside a well.

In Christianity, baptism symbolizes cleansing, repentance, and new life. Looking back, I believe this dream marked the beginning of my own spiritual renewal.

The Second Dream

In the second dream, Yeshua took me into what looked like an ancient library filled with books.

There, He taught me from the Scriptures.

The one thing I remember most clearly was Him telling me that people spend their lives pursuing the wrong things.

Those words immediately remind me of Jesus’ teaching:

“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”
— Matthew 6:33

The Third Dream

In the third dream, we walked together through a beautiful garden.

I was able to ask Him personal questions, and the peace I experienced is difficult to put into words.

From that moment on, my life has never been the same.

I know with complete certainty that there is nothing this world could throw at me that would ever convince me God is not real or that Yeshua does not love me.

Since then, I have continued to dream of Yeshua.

 

A Relationship, Not a Religion

How could I experience Yeshua so personally and not choose to follow Him?

For me, following Yeshua has never been about religion or belonging to a particular church.

It is about having a personal relationship with God.

I believe this is what God desires for each of us—not merely religious practice, but a genuine, one-to-one relationship with Him.

Every person’s journey is unique.

No two people will experience God in exactly the same way, and I do not expect anyone else’s testimony to look like mine.

 

Faith Beyond What We Can See

It is not my place to tell anyone what they should believe.

I can only share what I experienced firsthand.

Faith in God ultimately requires trusting in Someone we cannot physically see.

As Scripture says:

“And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.”
— Hebrews 11:6

If you genuinely struggle with doubts about God’s existence, I believe you have every right to ask honest questions.

The human mind naturally wants evidence for what it cannot see.

I would simply encourage you not to be afraid to ask God to reveal Himself to you.

Many people doubt God but never ask Him to make Himself known.

I was completely convinced He did not exist.

Yet within that same week, Yeshua appeared to me for the first time—and He has continued to remind me of His presence ever since.

 

Looking Back

Sometimes I laugh and imagine my guardian angels saying,

“Mary… you are really asking for it by doubting the existence of God!”

I certainly don’t consider myself a perfect person.

Far from it.

I am simply someone who has experienced extraordinary grace.

In all my imperfections, God chose to meet me.

That reality humbles me every day.

I don’t just consider myself happy.

I consider myself deeply blessed.

God has placed me on a journey of transformation that is leading me back to His Kingdom, and the only response I know is to give my life back to Him.

My prayer is that everything I do points people—not to me—but to Him.

 

Strength Through Every Trial

Over the years, I have faced many challenges and spiritual battles that could have pulled me away from God’s path.

Instead, each one has strengthened my faith.

My brother often says:

“If you’re not living according to God’s plan, the devil goes on vacation.”

It’s a saying that always makes me smile because there’s a profound truth behind it.

Sometimes the greatest opposition comes when we are walking where God has called us to be.

God often shapes His strongest servants through life’s greatest difficulties.

 

My Prayer for You

If there is one thing I hope you take away from my story, it is this:

Never be afraid to seek God honestly.

The God who met me in my deepest season of doubt is the same God who still reveals Himself today.

My prayer is not that you believe because of my testimony.

My prayer is that you come to know Yeshua for yourself through your own personal relationship with Him.

If this testimony encourages even one person to seek God with an open heart, then sharing my story will have been worthwhile.