Few topics generate as much discussion among Christians as the question of submission in marriage.

Some see it as outdated.

Others misunderstand it as giving a husband unrestricted authority over his wife.

But is that really what the Bible teaches?

I believe the answer is yes—a wife is called to submit to her husband—but only within God’s design for marriage.

The key is understanding who the husband himself is submitted to.

God’s Order for the Family

Paul writes:

“Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church.”

— Ephesians 5:22–23

At first glance, these verses often become the focus of debate.

However, Scripture gives us a broader picture.

Paul also writes:

“The head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.”

— 1 Corinthians 11:3

This verse reveals an important principle.

A husband’s authority is never independent.

He is first accountable to Christ.

Before a husband can faithfully lead his family, he must first be following the One who leads him.

Submission Begins With the Husband

The biblical model of marriage does not begin with a wife’s submission.

It begins with a husband’s submission to Christ.

If a husband is walking closely with God, seeking His wisdom, loving sacrificially, and leading with humility, he reflects Christ’s example.

If he is not, then the picture changes.

Leadership without submission to God becomes leadership guided by human desires rather than God’s wisdom.

This is why spiritual maturity matters far more than status, wealth, or career success.

God is not primarily looking for a successful man.

He is looking for a faithful one.

More Than a Breadwinner

When Scripture describes the husband as the head of the household, I don’t believe it is primarily referring to financial responsibility.

A woman may earn more than her husband.

She may have a more successful career.

Those things do not change God’s design for spiritual leadership within the home.

The husband’s calling is not simply to provide materially.

It is to shepherd his family spiritually.

To pray.

To encourage.

To lead by example.

To point his household toward Christ.

Spiritual Leadership Matters

Every person is influenced by something.

Our habits, priorities, and beliefs shape the direction of our lives.

For that reason, I believe one of the most important questions a woman can ask before marriage is:

Who is this man following?

If he is genuinely following Christ, he will naturally lead his family toward Christ.

If he is pursuing other priorities above God, those priorities will eventually influence his home as well.

That is why Paul warns believers:

“Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?”

— 2 Corinthians 6:14

Marriage is far more than a legal agreement.

It is a spiritual covenant.

Choosing a spouse is therefore one of the most important spiritual decisions we will ever make.

Authority Comes From Christ

When Yeshua sent out His disciples, He gave them authority over unclean spirits.

“And He called to Him His twelve disciples and gave them authority over unclean spirits, to cast them out, and to heal every disease and every affliction.”

— Matthew 10:1

Later we read:

“Lord, even the demons are subject to us in Your name!”

— Luke 10:17

These passages remind us that spiritual authority comes from Christ alone.

No husband possesses authority because he is male.

His authority comes through his relationship with Yeshua.

A man who walks closely with Christ should desire to protect, encourage, and pray for his family—not to dominate or control them.

Likewise, a godly wife also shares in Christ’s authority as a believer.

Both husband and wife can pray, stand against spiritual attacks, and encourage one another in faith.

Marriage is not a competition for authority.

It is a partnership under the lordship of Christ.

Choosing the Right Husband

One lesson I have learned is that character matters far more than appearance, wealth, or social status.

Before asking whether a man would make a good husband, I believe a woman should first ask:

• Does he genuinely love Christ?
• Does his life reflect the Fruit of the Spirit?
• Is he humble enough to submit to God’s correction?
• Does he lead with love rather than pride?

A husband who follows Christ will continually grow into the kind of leader God intends him to be.

Christ Is the Perfect Example

The greatest misunderstanding about biblical submission is forgetting what comes immediately after Paul’s instructions to wives.

He tells husbands:

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.”

— Ephesians 5:25

That is an incredibly high calling.

Christ’s leadership was never selfish.

It was sacrificial.

He served.

He protected.

He forgave.

He laid down His life.

That is the standard every Christian husband is called to follow.

Conclusion

In today’s culture, I don’t believe the most important question is:

“Should a wife submit to her husband?”

I believe the more important question is:

“Is this the kind of man God is calling me to marry?”

A husband who is genuinely submitted to Christ will not seek to rule over his wife.

He will seek to love her as Christ loves the Church.

When both husband and wife place Christ at the centre of their marriage, submission is no longer about power.

It becomes an expression of love, trust, humility, and shared devotion to God.

That, I believe, is God’s design for marriage.