God Relationships

7 Things I Wish I Knew Sooner

February 27, 2023

Although I’ve grown and achieved maturity over the years, I still consider myself to be a young woman with a lot more years ahead of me and more wisdom to gain along the way. That notwithstanding, there are a few things I wish I knew a lot sooner.

I’ve made an interesting list of 7 things I wish I knew sooner.

1. Forgiveness isn’t for the other person, it’s for you: Who can tell me they haven’t either hurt someone or been hurt by someone? It’s human nature to hurt and be hurt. It’s not always done intentionally, but because we are all individuals with our individual preferences, it’s completely possible to offend another by just being yourself.  It’s not an excuse to go around stepping on toes but use it as a reminder to always forgive others when they hurt you. Holding on to a past grudge hurts you more than it does the other person. Let go, forgive and move on. You’ll be lifting a heavy weight off your shoulders.

If you are not motivated enough to forgive everyone that has hurt you, reflect on Matthew 6:14-15 which says:

For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

2. 99% of every man/woman you date isn’t going to be your life partner: This isn’t me hating, it’s fact. Unless your aim is to not find a life partner, or you are one of those that believes in having several husbands/wives, you should know that with every relationship you entertain, only 1 of it will end in a ‘happily ever after’. 

You simply cannot marry everyone you date, so what’s the point of dating everyone? Do you know how traumatic it is to end years’ worth of bonding? Let’s not even go into the spiritual aspect of breakups. The crime scene is uglier than the physical aspect. 

This brings me to the next one:

3. Your single years aren’t meant for dating: If 99% of every relationship I entertain will fail, shouldn’t I use my time as a single woman to gain the wisdom, knowledge and understanding on how to recognise and be prepared for my ‘happily ever after’? 

Unfortunately, modern society teaches young people that it’s okay, and sometimes necessary to kiss several frogs in the search for their prince/princess. I disagree. It’s like picking a random location and digging random holes in the hopes of finding diamond. Wouldn’t it be wiser to take time out to research the best location to dig, and acquire the best tools to make the job of digging easier? 

For me, diamond is that ‘happily ever after’ humans covert. The tools needed for the job is taking time out to develop one’s self. Who teaches young people that as vital as it is to look good on the outside, what goes on on the inside is the most important? 

Pay as much attention to what goes on on your inside as you do with your outside. If you can afford a luxury car, you can afford therapy (most humans walk around with unresolved trauma). If you can afford 3 meals a day, you can afford to buy a homeless person a hot meal every weekend. 

Use your single years to develop in you the skills you would want in a partner. Do you want a successful partner? work on becoming successful yourself. Do you want a trauma-free partner? work on your unresolved trauma. Do you want a partner that will love you? Work on loving yourself and others. This is what I believe we should be taught to do with our singlehood.

Modern society teaches young people to spend every second of their single years looking for a relationship. We are taught it is okay to jump from relationship to relationship in search of that ‘perfect fit’. We are not taught to use our precious years to gain the skills needed to recognise and maintain that one-in-a-whatever relationship. 

I’ve heard stories of men on dates with drop-dead gorgeous women that couldn’t hold an intelligent conversation. “It was like speaking to a brick wall.”, one man said.

This isn’t only common in women. These days men assume all it takes to maintain a good relationship are washboard abs and a wad or two of cash. You end up with good-looking men with the worst personalities. 

Society should be teaching the younger and older generation to find balance in everything they do. Your outside isn’t more important than your inside. They carry the same weight and should receive equal attention.

4. Isolation is your best friend:  If you are looking to change any part of your life, the first thing to do is to isolate yourself. It’s hard to make the transformation that is needed to uniquely alter your life for the better if you are constantly mixing with other energies. Their energy isn’t the same as yours and will mess up your brew.

A formula that works for me is this: Isolation + Revelation (From God) = Transformation.

Yeshua himself isolated and fasted for 40 days in the wilderness where he was tempted 3 times.

This brings me to another thing. My time in isolation sometimes felt like being in the wilderness. There were times when I experienced hunger from fasting (Fasting is your biggest weapon right next to praying).

Back to my time in the figurative wilderness. Do you know what we encounter in a literal wilderness? Wild animals. Before going into isolation & spiritual wilderness, expect to encounter wild animals. A wild animal is anything or anyone who comes with the intention to knowingly or unknowingly distract you, or sway you off your path. Wild animals could be friends or family members pressuring you into engaging in ungodly practices, it could be you getting tempted into falling back into an old bad habit, it could be a frenemy randomly popping back into your life, it could be spiritual warfare etc. With Jesus, the wild animal he faced in the wilderness was Satan tempting him, as a way of getting him off his purpose. For real, watch out for wild animals, especially the ones that pop up while you are doing a fast.

In short, if you want to make any huge changes in your life, spend time alone away from people and introspect. Reflect, fast and pray.

Note: The wild animals that show up during your isolation and fasting period are the biggest obstacles in your life stopping you from your next elevation. Be sure to treat them as Yeshua did Satan after he was tempted.

Jesus said to him, “Away from me, Satan! For it is written: ‘Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only.’”. Then the devil left him, and angels came and attended him. (Matthew 4:10-11)

5. Always read the instruction manual: this is a funny one. You’d think it’s common sense to always read the instruction manual and follow the directions of the manufacturer right? Wrong! I was fond of creating my own hybrid manual, a mixture of what I got from briefly glancing over the manufacturer’s manual and my gut feeling. The unnecessary time and agony I could have saved if I had just READ THE INSTRUCTION MANUAL! Lol. Take it from me, it’s worth the time.

6. Build every relationship on a solid foundation: I don’t care if it’s a friendship, a romantic connection, a church connection, or a work connection. Whichever it is, all relationships should be built on a solid foundation.

When building a house, the foundation is the most important part of the building. A weak foundation could literally be the difference between life and death. A house with a strong foundation can withstand pressure a lot better than one with a weaker foundation. It’s common sense. The same goes for relationships. Relationships that are built on a solid foundation last longer and withstand pressure a lot better. I’ll give you an example.

Disclaimer: I’m a storyteller and have pulled these scenarios from my imagination. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

Let’s take two couples. 

Couple A meets at a bar. They find each other attractive and the man asks the woman for her number. The woman thinks about it and goes, “Let’s get to know each other some more as the night draws on, and if it feels right by the end of the night, I’ll give you my number.” By the end of the night, she gives him her number and they part ways. The man sits on the number for a few days and thinks it over. He gives her a call and asks her on a date. She tells him, “I’ll go on a date with you if it’s during the day.” She understands that 99% of every man she goes on a date with isn’t going to be her life partner. Her best strategy is to take things slow and get to know the real him. She also understands that the best way to get to know a person and build a genuine bond is to spend the day together. (Friendships outlast most romantic relationships because most romantic relationships are more night-centred and bedroom-centred, while most friendships are more day-centred and are built on mutual interests.) They go on several dates, mostly during the day and build a genuine bond that isn’t purely physical. Their precious time in each other’s presence is spent asking the right questions, building trust, and making sure they are the right fit for each other. By the time they are ready to take it to the next level, they are aware of each other’s quirks and like each other anyway. 

Couple B meets at a bar. They find each other attractive and the man asks the woman for her number. The woman looks him over, he looks expensive. She calculates what it must have cost him to dress for the night. She notices he leans a little too close to her and calls her babes (he lacks boundaries). To her, he’s a man with little inhibitions, he’ll show her a good time, she assumes. She gives him her number and goes home to fantasise about him. In her fantasies, she plans all the expensive dates he’ll take her on and the expensive gifts that will surely follow. He calls her the next day and asks her on a romantic candle-lit dinner on a yacht. She says yes and picks out the sexiest, most daring dress in her closet. She thinks to herself: “ a man like him must come across beautiful women every day. I have to make sure I stand out.” They go on their romantic dinner, there are rose petals everywhere, the food is good, the champagne is popping, the candlelight is dim and the atmosphere is sizzling. He leans super close and looks into her eyes and says to her “I see a future with you.” He leans in further and kisses her on the neck and whispers in her ear “I don’t know what you’ve done to me, it feels like you are in my system.”. She blushes but doesn’t push him away as he whispers more sweet nothings to her. His words match perfectly with her fantasies. Several champagne glasses later, and with him insisting he has found ‘the one’, she decides to throw her inhibitions to the wind and they take it below deck.

She is awakened at 1 am by the horrendous sound of his snore. She looks over at him and sees he’s drooling all over his pillow. She realizes she hates the way he snores. She looks closer at him and finds he has a massive mole next to his nose. “Was that always there?” She asks herself. She tries to sleep but the snore feels like a cheese grater is lodged in her brain. She gets up in annoyance to leave the room and steps on a condom wrapper. She looks down and sees it’s in a size extra small. Her jaw falls to the ground next to the wrapper. In her intoxicated state, she hadn’t realised he wasn’t packing much of a punch. She looks over at his drooling, snoring form and thinks to herself, “at least he is rich.”

When the honeymoon phase dies down in both relationships, which couple stands a bigger chance of surviving? Couple A spent time getting to know each other’s quirks, building a genuine bond, and using that as the foundation for their relationship. Couple B built their relationship on lust (physical and material).

If you don’t believe every relationship you hope to keep should be built on a solid foundation, we can ask the wisest man that ever liveth, died and resurrected. Yeshua.

Yeshua, aka Jesus, said in Matthew 7:24-27:

“Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it.”

7. Whatever you commit to God will be a success: How many of us can say, before saying yes to a job or going ahead with a relationship we passed it through God and waited for his input? Probably not a lot of us. We tend to run off and do our own things using our own wisdom and only turn to God with our best puppy dog eyes when things go wrong. Imagine all the wasted time and effort that could be saved by simply passing your plans through the creator that sees all and knows all. Ask for his guidance before jumping into anything, be it a new contract, a new home, a new relationship, etc.

Commit everything you do to God and your success rate will go up 100%. Don’t believe me? Ask Proverbs 16:3.

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  • Avatar
    Reply Theresa February 28, 2023 at 7:54 am

    Another super inspiring and interesting read. I enjoyed and have learnt a lot from this write up. You have a good way of inserting humour amidst seriousness and realism.

    • Avatar
      Reply Mary Ojile February 28, 2023 at 8:29 am

      Humour goes a long way 😉

  • Avatar
    Reply Christopher Ojile March 1, 2023 at 2:55 pm

    No.1 made my day. Na gode…

  • Avatar
    Reply Idoko Luke March 3, 2023 at 1:24 pm

    Wow. This is powerful. Remain blessed. We anticipate for more.

  • Avatar
    Reply Anonymous March 5, 2023 at 1:30 pm

    Great write up!

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